My Hardships Trump Your Hardships

Mouth's a whiner. It's okay, I'll own it. He gets it from me. And he HATES IT when I pull the childhood trump card and am all, "I had it so hard when I was growing up. I didn't have the internet. We had to go to the actual LIBRARY and look stuff up in books and stuff. Dude, I graduated college without the internet or a laptop. I'm FRIKKIN AMAZEBALLS!!!"

Last night, Mouth was whining that his internet connection was slow.

Mouth: "Mooooommmm, we need faster internetttttt. I'm getting my butt kicked on my games because my game is soooooo laggy......."

(Because I don't pay Comcast nearly $200 a month for cable, phone and HIGH-SPEED INTERNET.)

Me: "Psht. I had it so hard when I was growing up..."

Mouth: "STOP, okay??? I know you had it harder. I don't wanna hear it right now!!!" (as he angrily shoves his straw into a juice box)

Me: "Dude, you have no idea. You see that juicebox? You have it SO GOOD. I used to have to shove a SPIKED PLASTIC THING INTO A DAMN ORANGE AND SUCK A TENTH OF AN OUNCE OF JUICE AT A TIME!!!!"

Mouth: ".....seriously?"

Me: "YES!!!"

Anyone remember these?

Mouth: "....seriously?"

Me: "Yup. You had to keep sticking it in different spots to get more little drips of juice."

Mouth: "You win."