Live Texting a Spelling Bee

Mouth made it to his school spelling bee for the fourth time but he's always a bridesmaid, never a bride. The closest he's come to winning is top ten. I joked with him this morning saying it's no big deal if he doesn't win - because if he did, he would move on to the county bee at which point some Asian kid would kick his ass. He said, "But I wanna win...just once." Awwww!

I had to work so Mother said she would attend and keep me posted. The first year she attended in my stead I told her to call me and hold the phone up so I could hear Mouth spelling. Every round she kept saying she'd call me when they got to him the next round. But when she did call, it was right when he was spelling and she was apparently holding it UNDERWATER because I couldn't hear anything. This year I suggested she text me.

Me: "Have they started yet?"

Mother: "Whew he made it thru the first round. second kid missed it."

Me: "What??? What was the first round word? Ya gotta keep me updated!"

Mother: "6 kids out first round. he made thru 2nd."

Me: "Ma! What was the second word???"

Mother: "..."

Me: "How's he doing?"

Mother: "..."

Me: "Stop ignoring me! You're a terrible live texter!!!"

Mother: "He just made it thru 3rd round. obligerate wordliness and intelligence"

Me: "Wow. I don't even know what obligerate is?"

(Side note: A 7th grade spelling bee word that I've never even heard of before? This should have been my first clue something was off.)

Mother: "They are dropping like flies now. Words are really hard."

Me: "Oh boy..."

Mother: "9 kids left. Just spelled perfectonism correctly!"

Me: "Yay! He's so smart. Gets that from me. I'm part Asian you know. And it's perfectionism."

Mother: "haha sure you are. He made it on longtude. 6 left!"

Me: "Holy cow! And it's longitude."

Mother: "Stop correcting me. 5 left!"

Me: "Fingers crossed!"

Mother: "4! Made it with unforeeable."

Me: "unforeseeable"

Mother: "3 left. uh oh hard word"

Me: "???"

Mother: "Missed on taceturn. So did next kid."

Me: "So did you. It's TACITURN."

Mother: "Do you want me to stop texting you?"

Me: "No but come on...you have 12 year olds spelling these for you!"

Mother: "Darn. Some other kid won. He just has to beat the other kid and he gets runner up."

Me: "Come on Z!"

Mother: "He spelled geogolist right!"

Me: "GEOLOGIST"

Mother: "Spelled veribage right"

Me: "VERBIAGE???"

Mother: "Stop it!!!! Oh no...nomitive is next"

Me: "wth??? I just Googled that and it isn't even a word. You mean nominative?"

Mother: "Idk. He missed and got 3rd."

Me: "Awww. Still the highest he's placed yet. Tell him I'm so proud of him!"

Mother: "I will."

Me: "btw, I'm totally gonna blog about you misspelling all the words they were spelling."

Mother: "I was trying to liaten and text, you brat!"

Me: "LISTEN!!!"

Needless to say, Mother is refusing to ever live text a spelling bee again.

Randomly Heard

"I don't wear a sweater vest often but when I do, I feel like a MAGICIAN."

I'd like to introduce you to my coworker, German. I have a feeling y'all are gonna get to know him pretty well.