Monday, March 28, 2011
Here We Go!
Things have fallen into place, and I'm moving in 5 days. And I'm not talking I-live-in-an-apartment-alone-so-I'll-just-throw-everything-into-garbage-bags type of moving. I'm talking I-OWN-A-HOUSE-AND-I-NEED-BOXES-STAT type of moving. We're vacating to an apartment where I will pay no rent. Sounds good to me! However, it's four doors down from Mother. I would highly advise all of you to buy stock in Bogle RIGHT NOW. Because I will be drinking their chardonnay like a MOFO.
ShareThis
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Love, Exciting And New
Mouth has been bugging me the last few days about asking a girl in his class to go to a movie during Spring Break next week.
Me: "Seriously? You're ten."
Mouth: "So? I'm ready."
This coming from a kid who has given flowers to two girls he had crushes on - the first being in third grade.
Tonight, he mustered the confidence to dial the numbers and hit 'Send' (which was only after ten or so aborted dials.)
Mouth: "Um hi, is Makayla there? This is her classmate, Zane. Okay....hi, Makayla? It's Zane. I was wondering if you'd like to see a movie with me this week. Um, okay."
And he puts the phone down.
Me: "Well?"
Mouth: "She said no and then hung up. What a little bitch!"
Me: "..........BUAHAHAHHAHAHHAAAA!!!!"
I totally couldn't punish him for cussing because it was so appropriate. Thankfully, he's fine with it. I had prepared him that she would probably say no - if not for lack of attraction then for the fact that she was ten years old and probably still thought boys had cooties. As he walked back to his room to play Xbox, he muttered "How rude!" over his shoulder.
I am SO SCREWED in the next few years, aren't I?
Me: "Seriously? You're ten."
Mouth: "So? I'm ready."
This coming from a kid who has given flowers to two girls he had crushes on - the first being in third grade.
Tonight, he mustered the confidence to dial the numbers and hit 'Send' (which was only after ten or so aborted dials.)
Mouth: "Um hi, is Makayla there? This is her classmate, Zane. Okay....hi, Makayla? It's Zane. I was wondering if you'd like to see a movie with me this week. Um, okay."
And he puts the phone down.
Me: "Well?"
Mouth: "She said no and then hung up. What a little bitch!"
Me: "..........BUAHAHAHHAHAHHAAAA!!!!"
I totally couldn't punish him for cussing because it was so appropriate. Thankfully, he's fine with it. I had prepared him that she would probably say no - if not for lack of attraction then for the fact that she was ten years old and probably still thought boys had cooties. As he walked back to his room to play Xbox, he muttered "How rude!" over his shoulder.
I am SO SCREWED in the next few years, aren't I?
ShareThis
Saturday, March 12, 2011
Another Reason To Sell The House
Mother: "What? You don't have any money again? But I just gave you $50 last week! What'd you spend it on???"
Me: "Drugs and strippers, Ma. Sorry I didn't get receipts."
Me: "Drugs and strippers, Ma. Sorry I didn't get receipts."
ShareThis
Monday, March 7, 2011
Dreams
When I was twelve I found a book in my mom's dresser drawer about dreams. It claimed to interpret what dreams meant. I scanned it only to find obvious references: "If you dream you're in an elevator going up, that means your life is going to improve!" and "If you dream you're in an elevator going down, that means bad times will come upon you!" Or my fave: "If you dream your teeth are falling out, that means you feel guilty for gossiping!"
Well, hell. I've always had very vivid dreams - live and in color. In fact, I once dreamt I was Peter Brady and I was having sex with Jan (I know, that's totally f*cked up but DAMN men have it better than us women!)
I usually remember my dreams for a day or so, but sometimes they're brought back to me weeks or months later in a snippet of life that reminds me of it.
But there's one dream I will remember until the day I die: it occurred after I graduated from college with my BS. I was working a shit job at a bank, trying to find a "real" job. I couldn't make my rent and was so stressed - I mean Jesus, I owed so much on college tuition just to spend my life cashing checks???
And then I had The Dream. I was in my dad's swimming pool, and a tornado was coming. I ducked down into the pool and watched as the tornado passed overhead. I felt safe in the pool. Watching it pass was comforting. I swam to the deep end of the pool where my dad, who died when I was twelve, was sitting by the ladder. I climbed up the ladder and ruffled his hair. And I knew that hair. It was my son's.
I awoke sobbing, knowing my dad will never meet his doppelganger. I remembered the dream book - it said tornadoes meant turmoil. Perhaps this meant the turmoil is passing? Several days later I got The Call - the one with the big company that offered a big job. I interviewed, was offered the job, and was finally free of the turmoil.
However, five years later the turmoil was back. The Job kicked me and 20,000 other people to the curb. I couldn't find a job... a life. I was starting to think I would shrivel up and die unemployed. But I've dreamed the dream again.
I was in my mom's hometown, in a stadium, taking cover from a tornado. But this time, I had my son in my arms. We were wet from the rain, and he was crying. I reassured him it would be okay. I kissed my baby on the head and watched as the tornado passed overhead.
I woke and realized the significance of that dream. I sobbed, hoping and praying that the same good fortune would happen to me as before.
And I think it has. I've realized now I need to let go. Let go of my cute little house that is perfect for us because it alienated me from good neighbors and close kids. The constant repairs, leaky roof and fallen gutters left me frustrated. The lack of adult conversation turned myself inward. It was an independent move I will never regret but it ended up not being for the better. And I'm okay with that...because the storm has now passed.
I'm putting my home on the market and looking forward to my future.
Well, hell. I've always had very vivid dreams - live and in color. In fact, I once dreamt I was Peter Brady and I was having sex with Jan (I know, that's totally f*cked up but DAMN men have it better than us women!)
I usually remember my dreams for a day or so, but sometimes they're brought back to me weeks or months later in a snippet of life that reminds me of it.
But there's one dream I will remember until the day I die: it occurred after I graduated from college with my BS. I was working a shit job at a bank, trying to find a "real" job. I couldn't make my rent and was so stressed - I mean Jesus, I owed so much on college tuition just to spend my life cashing checks???
And then I had The Dream. I was in my dad's swimming pool, and a tornado was coming. I ducked down into the pool and watched as the tornado passed overhead. I felt safe in the pool. Watching it pass was comforting. I swam to the deep end of the pool where my dad, who died when I was twelve, was sitting by the ladder. I climbed up the ladder and ruffled his hair. And I knew that hair. It was my son's.
I awoke sobbing, knowing my dad will never meet his doppelganger. I remembered the dream book - it said tornadoes meant turmoil. Perhaps this meant the turmoil is passing? Several days later I got The Call - the one with the big company that offered a big job. I interviewed, was offered the job, and was finally free of the turmoil.
However, five years later the turmoil was back. The Job kicked me and 20,000 other people to the curb. I couldn't find a job... a life. I was starting to think I would shrivel up and die unemployed. But I've dreamed the dream again.
I was in my mom's hometown, in a stadium, taking cover from a tornado. But this time, I had my son in my arms. We were wet from the rain, and he was crying. I reassured him it would be okay. I kissed my baby on the head and watched as the tornado passed overhead.
I woke and realized the significance of that dream. I sobbed, hoping and praying that the same good fortune would happen to me as before.
And I think it has. I've realized now I need to let go. Let go of my cute little house that is perfect for us because it alienated me from good neighbors and close kids. The constant repairs, leaky roof and fallen gutters left me frustrated. The lack of adult conversation turned myself inward. It was an independent move I will never regret but it ended up not being for the better. And I'm okay with that...because the storm has now passed.
I'm putting my home on the market and looking forward to my future.
ShareThis
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
New Shoes
I got new shoes. But not just any old shoes...DANSKOS. Allow me to explain:
My current job requires me to walk an average of 10 miles per shift (how am I not a size 2 escapes me as well.) When I was first hired, I tried on Dansko shoes because that's what everyone wore. I tried a pair on and, honestly, it felt like I was walking on bricks. I thought, "What the hell do people see in these??? They mustn't have the high arches that I have." I then looked at the price of $145 and thought, "Suckers." I promptly went to our local running shoe mecca and stood on a special computer scale to see where I distribute my weight (turns out it's on the outsides of my feet.) They recommended a nice, albeit expensive, running shoe for my type of foot.
Fast forward six months, and my running shoes cashed out about two months ago. Every shift brings shin splint pain and me begging for a foot rub from Mouth (who only gives them if he wants something.) So I caved. I went out today and bought a pair of Danskos (but I DID find a bargain at $110 a pair.)
I still had the "walking on bricks" image in my head but I tried them on anyway. Oh my. THANK YOU BABY JESUS! Apparently my sneakers had squished down so much that these bricks felt like heaven. I don't work again until Thursday but I'm totally wearing them around the house because they are so fab.
They remind me...of this one time...when I GOT AN EPIDURAL...
My current job requires me to walk an average of 10 miles per shift (how am I not a size 2 escapes me as well.) When I was first hired, I tried on Dansko shoes because that's what everyone wore. I tried a pair on and, honestly, it felt like I was walking on bricks. I thought, "What the hell do people see in these??? They mustn't have the high arches that I have." I then looked at the price of $145 and thought, "Suckers." I promptly went to our local running shoe mecca and stood on a special computer scale to see where I distribute my weight (turns out it's on the outsides of my feet.) They recommended a nice, albeit expensive, running shoe for my type of foot.
Fast forward six months, and my running shoes cashed out about two months ago. Every shift brings shin splint pain and me begging for a foot rub from Mouth (who only gives them if he wants something.) So I caved. I went out today and bought a pair of Danskos (but I DID find a bargain at $110 a pair.)
I still had the "walking on bricks" image in my head but I tried them on anyway. Oh my. THANK YOU BABY JESUS! Apparently my sneakers had squished down so much that these bricks felt like heaven. I don't work again until Thursday but I'm totally wearing them around the house because they are so fab.
They remind me...of this one time...when I GOT AN EPIDURAL...
ShareThis
