Bless Her Heart

That poor little Taco Bell cashier. When she said, "Welcome to Taco Bell! How are you doing today?" little did she know I'd tell her exactly how I was doing today.

Another One Bites The Dust

Today is my birthday. I spent it in the ER (working, thankfully) so it kept my mind from thinking about how close I'm getting to 40. *chills*

So tonight, I will celebrate my 29th birthday in style - with a glass of wine (yes, only one as I have to work tomorrow) and a long, hot bath. Wouldn't have it any other way.

Unless I was actually turning 29. Then I'd totally be at a bar, slamming the birthday shots everyone was buying for me because 20-somethings can drink all night and still make it into work the next day with no problem.

Those little assholes don't know how good they have it. WAIT TIL YOU TURN 30.

Occupy This, Motherf*cker!

I worked my way through college and into a plum job in the corporate world. I made extremely (and by extremely, I mean extremely) good money. Did I deserve to make good money? Hell yes. Did I deserve to make as much as I did? Probably not. I wasn't saving lives - I was writing politically correct bullshit to make our employees feel like they worked for a good, socially responsible company. I was astounded by the influence my company had on local and federal government. (Although I did have to wear pantyhose and high heels every day. That ALONE is almost worth what I made!)

American citizens are finally standing up for themselves against corporate greed. Some argue these protestors need to stop feeling entitled to benefits they haven't earned. Others advise them to "go out and get a job so you won't be in the situation you are in now." Having a job, a comfortable home, and gainful employment does NOT exempt you from being in the 99 percent. It's about distribution of wealth and how very few people own most of our country's wealth. Wealth equals power, and power equals influence - which means democracy is being taken out of our hands and given to the one percent.

Unfortunately, many people don't know they're in the 99 percent. This is a fantastic letter to those who are blinded by the smoke and mirrors of corporate control.

One week ago, I was working in the ER and a truck came screaming up to the front door. The passenger, a guy in his 20s, was slumped over the dashboard. He was wasn't breathing and was purplish blue. A nurse and two techs (techs are like nurse assistants - they're usually nursing students and/or EMTs) ran out to the truck and found no pulse. The driver said his friend had been shooting heroin and became unresponsive in the truck.

In front of a partially full waiting room, the three staff members pulled the guy out of the truck and onto a bed. As the nurse steered the bed into the ER, one of the techs jumped on the bed and started performing CPR. The other tech put an oxygen mask on him and started pumping the bag. I ran ahead opening doors.

We ran into the room screaming that we needed help. Staff came running and flew into action. They administered Narcan, which counteracts the effects of the heroin. Within 45 seconds of being wheeled into the room, the guy started coughing and turning a healthier shade of pink. These people saved his life.

Although doctors and nurses earn good wages (as they should) the two people who kept this man alive until others could intervene earn barely more than minimum wage.

THIS is what Occupy Wall Street is about. It's not about feeling entitled to others' money - it's about the monopolization and corruption at the top of the corporate world that trickles down to everyone.

I currently live at less than poverty level. Do I miss having money and being able to buy anything I wanted, whenever I wanted? HELL TO THE YES. (Especially Tiffany & Co. jewelry. Oh the blue boxes!!! SWOON!)

Am I willing to give it up to help save lives and make a small difference in this greedy world? Hell to the yes.

I am the 99% and you are, too.

Did You Miss Me????

Not to worry - I didn't forget my legions of fans here! I've had some issues involving Mouth so my mind has been in another world (sometimes in Chardonnayland, but I disgress.)

I'll be back in rare form this weekend with some intelligent (read snarky) commentary on the Occupy Wall Street issue.

Until then, let's raise our glasses and go balls to the walls!!!!!!!

Which loosely translates as, "I'm going to bed after I finish my glass of wine because I have to work early tomorrow. Night!"

Okay, Pinocchio

A sure sign of a shady person? They lie real well. And I'm not talking, Um, DUH! Shady people are used to lying so they can totally keep their stories straight! I'm talking, "I really truly wished I could have been there this evening but my grandmother was taking my daughter to Target and this dude in a red Camaro smashed into their car! They were both transported to the hospital in c-collars, which my mother HATED, but they were thankfully released 3 1/2 hours later with only bruises and scrapes!"

Total bullshit.

I have a pretty good bullshit detector. My gaydar is waaay off but my bullshit detector? SPOT ON. I don't know if it's from all the jackasses I've dated or from all the bullshit I've dished out but I've learned: the more detailed the story, the more bullshit it is.

My mom owns a few apartments in a little town where no one moves on purpose - know what I mean? You don't move here...you END UP here (like me!) Anyhoo, she gets some real inneresting people trying to rent from her and, bless her heart, she tries so hard to find good tenants.

Last week, she had a lady interested in a vacant apartment. She was a welder (not judging) with a motorcycle (okay, totally judging.) She was supposed to bring her deposit and first month's rent on Saturday afternoon. The woman didn't show for her appointment but Mother texted me later with, "The girl worked late and completely forgot about our appointment!" I'm like, Hmmmm. Okay. Personally, if I was desperate for a place to live I wouldn't forget about meeting my new landlord but okay. Benefit of the doubt!

"She's going to meet me at 7pm. Yay!"

6:30pm: "The woman who wants the apt called about 15 mins ago and said she was on her way in. She just called again crying and said she just got a call that her daughter was on her way to Walmart when she had an accident. Some old lady rammed into her and she veered off into a corn field. The woman was heading back to go to the hospital. I feel so badly for her!"

Really? Hmmmmm....

Color me distrustful but I'd bet my life savings (which is like, five dollars) that this woman is shady. S.h.a.d.y. SHADY.

"Don't call her. If she calls back, make her wait two days before you meet with her again. Guarantee you she won't call back cause shady people don't like to wait."

Poor mother, who may actually believe OJ was innocent, didn't understand. So I explained that shady people like to be in control. They want what they want, when they want it. So she agreed to wait a few days.

Fast forward four days. Nada. Nothing. TOLD YOU SO!!!! Apartment is still vacant.

And thank GAWD because that chick would have moved in next door to me. Next door to the apartment I live in because I had to move here.

And I'm a bullshitter with a lot of time on my hands...so potential tenants BEWARE.