Hmmm.....

Why does my grocery store stock cans of tomatoes not with the canned fruits or canned vegetables - where a normal person would look for it - but in the spaghetti aisle?

Perhaps they figure all canned tomatoes will turn into pasta dishes? Or perhaps they just like to SCREW WITH PEOPLE? In which case they won, as today I stood in the canned fruits and vegetables aisle yelling, "Seriously. SERIOUSLY? If tomatoes aren't a fruit or a vegetable, then what the hell are they?!?!"

Grocery Store 1, Rags 0

Bless His Heart

Mouth told me I was "the best mom in the whole world!"

Poor little guy. He wouldn't know a homemade chocolate chip cookie if it bit him on his ass.

Lawn Mowers Are SO Yesterday

Mouth: "Wouldn't it be cool if our lawn was emo? Then it would cut itself!"

Me: "Ha!!! Wait...how do you know about that?"

Mouth: "Psht. PuhLEASE. I'm going into sixth grade."

Me: "....."

Mouth: "But what does emo mean?"

Me: "It means no more internet after 7 pm."

Reality TV Moment

I admit it...I LURVE reality tv. I've been following reality trash since Real World in New York (first season, natch!) The worst part is there are certain shows I really try not to like...but then I happen to watch one episode at 3 am and then I MUST FIND OUT WHO WINS (e.g., The Bachelor, Top Chef, Shear Genius.)

I've been riding the reality wave with joy but my worst fear is it will go south. And by south, I mean Jake Pavelka as 'The Bachelor'.

Slowly I'm seeing my cherished reality shows go down the tubes...if that is possible. Examples:

• The Bachelorette: The Bachelor was so obviously sexist that producers smartly started offering America's fave chick (who usually got dumped by Prince Charming in the Bachelor finale) a chance at love through 'The Bachelorette'. Very smart move. Trista met Ryan, they had 2 kids...YAY! Fast forward to Jillian. And Ashley. These days, just because a girl is the runner up doesn't mean she's hot. I think Bachelor producers got a little full of themselves and started casting without polling America. No surprise that ratings are waaaay down.



• Real Housewives of New York: Gawd, I love these ladies. I've been following them since day one. However, the recent reunion show was almost too much. They are all sick of one another by this point and I don't blame them. I'd pay deeply to bitch slap every single one of them. Including Jill. Twice.



• Real World/Road Rules: The pioneers of reality garbage. What started out as social experiments has turned into drunken fueled drama amongst 20somethings who obviously have never held gainful employment. I miss Julie, Eric, Kat, Mark and the MTV Winnie.



• Sixteen and Pregnant/Teen Mom: I wish I had seen either one of these shows in high school. Or college. Jesus, I never would have had unprotected sex...or really sex AT ALL...if I had watched the trials and tribulations of Farrah, Amber, and Maci. As a single mom, I have a tough time watching new seasons. I totally yell at the tv like, "Don't trust that little shit! He'll leave you once he realizes newborns don't sleep for more than two hours at a time!" And "He's not waking up at night to change diapers? Don't let that douchebag sleep! WAKE HIS ASS UP!" And "Oh, you think you'll go on to college with a baby because come on, a baby isn't a big deal?!? Good luck with that!"
  



• Jersey Shore: So awful you just HAVE to love it! I'm totally fist pumping as I type this.



• Keeping Up With The Kardashians: Who? Wait...how the hell are these girls famous again??? I have a big ass. Where's my reality show?????? Never watched it, never will.

Wanna know how pathetic I am when it comes to reality crap? I was up late one night and found a show called, "Groomer Has It". It was a reality competition among dog groomers. I literally sat there and thought, "What the hell has this world come to when we showcase the lives of dog groomers???" But damn it to hell if I didn't watch the whole season because I HAD TO KNOW WHO WON. (Bee tee dub, Huber TOTALLY deserved the win!)

I'm self diagnosing here (and yes, the grammar dick in me is annoyed my hyphen still doesn't work) but I think I love reality crap because....my life has been upended and SUCKY the last few years. It makes me feel a little better to see other people's lives go down in flames, too. But thankfully they're not people I know personally because then I would feel like shit for them.

So until I work my life out to supreme happiness, I will remain addicted to reality garbage.

Except for Charm School. I'm totally a fan of throwing bitches under the bus to screw Brett Michaels but having Sharon Osbourne chastise the manners of girls with neck tattoos? That's a bit much.

Even for my trashy mind.