It Would Be Cheaper To Buy Diapers

Insurance Company Operator (ICO): "Okay, let's get your claim started. You backed into someone, correct?"

Me: "Yep."

ICO: "Was this in a parking lot?"

Me: "Nope. It was at a stoplight."

ICO: "I'm sorry?"

Me: "A stoplight. I was at a stoplight."

ICO: "You backed into someone...at a stoplight?"

Me: "Yep. Hey, you think I could claim I'm color blind or something and I thought red was green???"

ICO: "Um...you BACKED into her."

Me: "Oh. Good point."

ICO: "And both cars are drivable?"

Me: "Oh yeah. She just has a cracked headlamp cover and a dented hood. My Jeep is a tank. Not even a scratch!"

ICO: "All from you backing into her...at a stoplight."

Me: "Yep!"

ICO: "..."

Me: "You're dying to ask me why I backed into someone at a stoplight, aren't you?"

ICO: "Well...."

Me: "Lady, I'm a woman on the EDGE. Not only do you NOT want to know, you don't even want to ASK."

ICO: "Oh! Right! No big deal. Trust me, it happens ALL the time! Now, to finish your claim......."


I think I played that well. It was bad enough I had to explain my actions to the other driver and to the police officer on scene. I wasn't going to replay events for a snippy insurance operator. Psht.

Because, really. How does one explain to someone who wasn't there how the traffic light was stuck and all the other cars got to have their turn SIX TIMES (I counted) while we sat at a red light? And how the stupid first car in my lane should have just turned right so our lane could at least get through instead of holding up traffic until it was four blocks long? And how the guy next to me pulled a u-ey and left a big car-spaced opening on my left? And how I only needed ONE FOOT of clearance in the front, and I could swing to the left and u-ey my way out of there? And how the chick behind me was all up on my ass in a tiny car and I didn't see her? And how the only reason I pulled any of these antics was because I had to POOP???