Merry Christmas, Ya DRUNK

Below is a pic of a few of my Christmas presents. I sense a theme here.

Happy Holidays!

Christmas Eve has always been when we celebrate Christmas. Crab legs, champagne, opening presents, staying up late, watching Christmas movies...and sleeping in tomorrow morning. I'm so happy the day is finally here. Time to stuff our faces and get drunk!!!!

Happy holidays everyone!

Bugs vs. Spiders

I was just sitting here watching TV when I felt a tickle on my finger. I brought my finger up and saw something black with legs. I was immediately like, "OHMAHGAWD! OHMAHGAWD!!!!" Then I realized it was a bug. I blew it off my finger, got a paper towel, picked the little guy up, and released him into the big wide world of my backyard. Good luck little guy!!!

*hugs*

But if that was a spider? The scenario would be more like:

I was just sitting here watching TV when I felt a tickle on my finger. I brought my finger up and saw something black with legs. I was immediately like, "OHMAHGAWD! OHMAHGAWD!!!!" Then I realized it was a spider. I FREAKED MY SHIT OUT, shook my hand like it was on fire, ran around like a chicken with its head cut off until I could find where I threw said spider. I grabbed a paper towel and SMASHED ITS HEAD INTO ITS ASS and declared VICTORY for all of 'Merica! Down the toilet you go, beyotch!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Why do I freak out with spiders and not bugs? They're both creepy and crawly and gross. But spiders are....bleh-bleh-peepy-chill-gross!!!

Bless their little hearts.

Throwback Thursday - Tiny Terror

I'm freezing my naynays off here in the Midwest so I thought I'd bring a little warmth to today's Throwback Thursday.

I was four years old and running amok in Ft. Lauderdale. Between my clown sunglasses and my hot little Speedo, I RULED THAT POOL.

My mother tells me we had to return home early because I was such a monster on that trip. At least I remember having a good time. I ALWAYS have a good time. Especially in my Speedo and clown shades.

I'm wearing them now, in fact....

Reason #145 Why I Need A Vacation

I just sat here for 10 minutes wondering WHO THE HELL drank some of my wine (and was ready to call up Mother and DEMAND she buy me a new bottle to replace what she drank without asking!!!) when I finally realized I had poured a glass for myself 10 minutes ago and forgot about it.

*sigh*

I think it's time for me to take a break. Someplace warm, where a hot little cabana boy is responsible for keeping track of my alcohol...