Goals

So I was watching Ellen today (my first foray into daytime tv - no soaps yet) and she talked about goals. Her new goal is to be on the cover of O Magazine...which should go over well with Miss O since she's the only one ever on the cover.

Regardless, Ellen has inspired me to find a goal. On the same episode, she included a "Gold Digger" spot (where someone gets into a booth full of money and tries to grab as much as they can as the money is blowing around them.) She sent the booth to the apartment of a girl who is working 2 jobs to put herself through college and lives in a 1-bedroom apartment with her mother and sister. After the girl stuffed her shirt full of money, Ellen told her she was giving all the money in the booth ($2000) to the girl - as well as a flat screen tv. The girl started crying. She hugged the PA holding the mike and was in a daze....all for $2000 and a tv.

Who wouldn't want to make someone that happy? It completely fills my heart to do something for someone - especially someone who doesn't expect anyone to do anything for them. I was at our ghetto WalMart once and a black girl in front of me had a pair of sneakers in her cart for her son, who looked to be about 4 years old. When the cashier scanned them at $20, the girl said she thought they were on sale. Since they weren't, she asked the cashier to take it off the bill. I've been that broke before, right out of college. Now I spend so money on crap for my son...so I asked the cashier to put the shoes on my bill. I caught up to the girl and gave her the shoes. I told her that her little boy was darling and reminded me of my son (other than the fact that he was black...but I didn't mention that.) She had a stunned look on her face and thanked me. It just made my day to help someone else. (Of course, she probably sold the shoes for crack or something but I'll try to give her the benefit of the doubt!)

My goal is to find a new "career" in which I can help people. No more selling my soul for the corporate money...it's not worth the stress other people put on me and not worth the karma I burn by imagining their slow painful deaths...usually at my hands.

I very well may be broke due to my decision but at least I will be happy with my life - and will be a positive role model for my spoiled son. I also hope someone like the current me will be in line behind me at WalMart the day I can't afford shoes for my son.

Or a bottle of wine for me.

What now?

You know that age-old question that's supposed to reveal your ideal profession? "What if money was no issue - what would you do with your life?" I never could answer that question. Well, not as an adult...but I've recently been given the rare opportunity to ask myself that question, answer it and then live it (and no, I didn't win the lottery....yet.)

Laid off. I feel like a welder with bad teeth and a penchant for Natural Light. It could easily make one feel as if being laid off is a sign you weren't doing your job well. I wasn't warned - always received good remarks on my work. BUT...it is what it is and I am now being paid to sleep in.

So.........what now? I have health insurance for one year and will get approximately 2/3 my salary per month. A little belt tightening required (perhaps a boyfriend is now needed so I can get free dinners out? It's not even summer yet so he wouldn't have to start mowing my lawn for at least 2 months!) Anyhoo, money is now not an issue - what do I do with my life? So many options. I've never liked the corporate world - though it paid well, people were vicious. I was tattled on so many times for trivial things - I cried more at *previous shitty employer* than I ever did at home. I can't deal with that. I've learned firsthand that life can be gone in a snap. It's too short to deal with stupid, insecure assholes who make you feel insignificant and stupid - all so they can make enough money to install a bidet with warm water. I see this furlough as a blessing...and a second chance.

I've thought of tweaking my degree so I could teach - helping shape young minds, summers off - but I'm finding the entry teaching jobs to be very few. Write a book! I actually have a really good story to tell but that takes time...and then I'll get called back halfway through and won't have time to write. The world is my proverbial oyster, and I'm just sitting here wondering how to get that slippery little bugger on the damn cracker so I can eat it!

I've wanted to live in Florida since I was 7 years old. I went to college there but was all by myself and came back to be near family (what was I thinking, right???) I'd love to go back and this would be the perfect time - wouldn't be stressed to find a job. But as always, a child changes everything. Zane loves his school - he has a phenomenal teacher this year and is in love with the girl next to him, Rebecca. I know he'd LOVE Florida...but what if? What if I move them (yes, the nag - I mean the nanny - would come with) and they hate it? What if I don't, and I regret it? Many people say they'd rather live without having to ask "what if"? "Just go for it - you'll always regret it if you don't!"

Arggggh. Oh well....the turmoil gives me something to do for now. It could be worse - I could have been engaged to Bachelor Jason! You know, he was seeing Molly behind Melissa's back the whole time. If I was Melissa, I would have throat punched Jason right on that stage - and held Molly down and shaved off her eyebrows or something. Seriously.

And my mother wonders why I'm still single????

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