Ever met someone who was goth with the name Kylie? You're like, "WTF? Kylie is a blonde cheerleader who's bubbly and ditzy. You're more like...a Morticia."
When I hear the name Darrell, I immediately think redneck. I don't think I've ever met a hot Darrell. Ooh! Another redneck? Randy. (Then again, Randy usually looks smokin' hot in his Levi's but not really someone I want to take home to my white-collar parents.)
What happens if your name is Floyd and you turn out hot? Do you stick it out? Go by your middle name? (Which hopefully isn't something like Garth.) Change it completely? My mom's best friend was born Darlene. She was cute and blonde and hated her name all her life. She finally legally changed it to Lauren. She DOES look more like a Lauren...but I still slip and call her Dar sometimes.
What makes us associate names with faces? Is it our life experiences with people? (I dated a Jimmy from Kentucky when I was in college. Now, all Jimmys are rednecks to me.) Is it universal? (Again, anyone ever seen a hot Darrell???)
Hmmm...someone should TOTALLY investigate this phenomenon. Like for a master's thesis.
Rex: Total porn star.
Willie: Just give the kid a complex now, ok?
Darryl: Redneck who thought he got hot so tried to alter his redneck name without legally changing it.
Gary: Any hot Garys out there? Yeah, didn't think so.
Peter: No explanation necessary.
Bo: You want your son to be called gay whether he is or not? Name him Bo.
Any boy name with a Y in it (Austyn, Bradyn, Claytyn): See Bo.
Twenty bucks says Leonardo DiCaprio was born Leonard Calhoun. He got hot so he HAD to change his name.
Flippin' sexes on ya. The girl name I'm seeing a lot in the ER is Nevaeh. Yes, yes, it's heaven backward but still.
Katie: Total bitch. (But my view may be a bit skewed as my former co-worker whom I also refer to as 'Queen Bitch of the God Damn Universe' is named Katie.)
Sophia and Madison: Unless you want your daughter to be forever known as 'Sophia S.' or 'Madison P.' STOP NAMING YOUR GIRLS SOPHIA AND MADISON.
Kiley: Again, totally bubbly. Usually blonde. Want to hate her but is actually sweet. Bitch.
Misty/Destiny: White trash.
McKenzie/Mackenzie/McKayla/Mackayla: I'm Mcdone with it.
I'm sure I've offended every single person reading this as you have prolly named at least one of your children an above-mentioned moniker. I'm sorry. And sometimes names JUST FIT. Whether it's the kid or the last name, it just works. So please count yourself in that exception. :)
Hell, who am I to talk? I didn't even give my kid a middle name. And he hates his first name so I have that going for me, too.
What names bug YOU?
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Monday, June 13, 2011
Things I Think About At 3 A.M.
* Why do we still have daylight saving time? Didn't Benjamin Franklin pitch that idea back in the day? Like, when most Americans farmed for a living? And before we had electricity? I don't know about you, but I'd rather go to work in the dark and have a few hours of light in the evening. Cause 5:00 pm sunsets SUCK.
* Why do I have to wait until noon to buy liquor on Sundays? I'm not driving drunk nor am I going to attend church while drunk. I'm over 21 years of age so WHY CAN'T I GET VODKA FOR MY SUNDAY MORNING BLOODY MARY AT 10 AM???
* Why can't I ever find a lid to fit the pot I'm cooking with? I can find every other frikkin' lid but the one I need.
* Why would you pay $300 for someone to pull one tooth? Seriously. A couple shots of whiskey, some pliers and a brave friend would do it for me. (Which is also prolly why I floss daily. Man, I need to steer Mouth toward dental school...)
* Why is it a person on food stamps is not able to buy a grocery store cooked rotisserie chicken but can freely splurge on gum and Red Bull? (Didn't know about the Red Bull until this morning. Thank you, State of Illinois!)
* Once again, HOW THE HELL IS TARA REID FAMOUS AND I'M NOT???
* I despise whistlers. Especially those who whistle pop tunes like Journey. Or Enrique Iglesias. I totally would have smacked that chick if I wasn't at work. Or if she wasn't my coworker.
* Why is it that when I spilled a glass of wine on my keyboard, I was lucky enough to only lose the function of my five, six and hyphen keys? (Yet I still bitch about not having them. In fact, this is a not(hyphen)so(hyphen)thinly veiled bullet point bitch about not being able to hyphenate or type my zip code.)
* Why do I have to wait until noon to buy liquor on Sundays? I'm not driving drunk nor am I going to attend church while drunk. I'm over 21 years of age so WHY CAN'T I GET VODKA FOR MY SUNDAY MORNING BLOODY MARY AT 10 AM???
* Why can't I ever find a lid to fit the pot I'm cooking with? I can find every other frikkin' lid but the one I need.
* Why would you pay $300 for someone to pull one tooth? Seriously. A couple shots of whiskey, some pliers and a brave friend would do it for me. (Which is also prolly why I floss daily. Man, I need to steer Mouth toward dental school...)
* Why is it a person on food stamps is not able to buy a grocery store cooked rotisserie chicken but can freely splurge on gum and Red Bull? (Didn't know about the Red Bull until this morning. Thank you, State of Illinois!)
* Once again, HOW THE HELL IS TARA REID FAMOUS AND I'M NOT???
* I despise whistlers. Especially those who whistle pop tunes like Journey. Or Enrique Iglesias. I totally would have smacked that chick if I wasn't at work. Or if she wasn't my coworker.
* Why is it that when I spilled a glass of wine on my keyboard, I was lucky enough to only lose the function of my five, six and hyphen keys? (Yet I still bitch about not having them. In fact, this is a not(hyphen)so(hyphen)thinly veiled bullet point bitch about not being able to hyphenate or type my zip code.)
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