'The Buried Life'

I recently discovered a show airing on MTV called The Buried Life. It follows four guys who travel across the U.S. and Canada accomplishing items they listed on their "100 Things To Do Before You Die" list. They also ask people they meet to name something they'd like to do before they die...and make one of the strangers' wishes come true.

The show has made me laugh a lot as well as cry a few times. That makes a good show in my book! So OF COURSE I started thinking about things I'd like to do before I hit the ground - and remembered I actually made a list back in 2002 or so, when The Kid was just a little guy. This was before I started working for Satan Inc., and I was quite the optimist...so I was excited to see what I listed. I dug the list out and posted below (my snarky comments in bold, natch):

1. Gamble in Las Vegas
2. Go to the top of the Empire State Building (Ummm...been to NYC and was petrified of terrorists on every corner. Probably will cross this one off.)
3. Ski in Colorado
4. Run in a marathon (Psht! I only run when chased so I don't have high hopes for this one...)
5. Visit Los Angeles (My family lives outside of LA but I've never ventured into The City.)
6. Party at Mardi Gras
7. Move The Kid out of Illinois
8. Get my bachelor's degree (DONE!)
9. Get married - if only for a day
10. Gamble in Monte Carlo (This was when I still had dreams of marrying a billionaire. Or a professional tennis player.)
11. Take a dip in the Mediterranean
12. See the U.S. by motorhome (Yeah. I saw the Southeast by motorhome and almost left my mother in Georgia. On purpose.)
13. Go to Yellowstone and snap breathtaking pictures (I was a bit more...earthy back then. Now I'd go to Yellowstone only if they had an all-inclusive tour bus with A/C and a wet bar.)
14. Have a kitchen with ceramic tile floors (I don't know why...but my bathroom has a ceramic tile floor so DONE!)
15. Waterski
16. Teach a college course
17. Attend a Jimmy Buffet concert
18. Own a Land Rover (I'd actually rather marry someone who owns a Land Rover.)
19. Learn to play the guitar
20. Teach The Kid to dance (DONE!)
21. Attend a seance
22. Shop at Mall of America (DONE! but see snarky comment on #12 and replace "Southeast" with "Midwest" and "Georgia" with "Iowa".)
23. Visit Yale
24. Own a home (DONE!)
25. Swim with dolphins (DONE! And that REALLY kicked ass!)

Fast forward eight years and a whoooole lot of road later. I'm a completely different person now. I bought my own house, raised my son by myself, had a shitty abusive boss, lost my job, and am trying to pick up the pieces. So I've revamped my list...for better or worse.

1. Own a house with a pool
2. Deliver a baby
3. Raise The Kid to be a considerate compassionate man who doesn't own a motorcycle
4. Scuba dive again - perhaps in Belize?
5. Take another cruise
6. Perform one night of stand-up comedy
7. Gamble in Vegas
8. Ski Big Bear Lake again (This time without ice/snow and a concussion, please.)
9. Skinny dip properly
10. Forgive several family members who deserted me as a child
11. Be asked for an autograph
12. Get arrested (BUT NOT FOR DUI.)
13. Get married - and divorced in the same week
14. Overcome my fear of flying (probably needed to accomplish #4)
15. Save a life
16. Make a stranger's wish come true

Looking back, I see I've become less materialistic...and hopefully a better person. Then again, I think I'm more fun to be around since I've become a closet alcoholic.

Anyone else have some dying wishes???

Good Luck With That!

After reading the note claiming he was running away, I asked The Kid where he was going. He choked out between sobs:

I'm *sniff* going to Canada *sniff* to get a job as a *sniff* Canadian bacon salesman. *SNIFF*

I Know I'm a Girl and Stuff But, Like, Um....EWWW?!?!?

Seriously, dude? I CANNOT believe you didn't feel the two-inch cockroach that just crawled across your chest while you were talking to me. It's totally like, hiding in your shirt right now. But I'm not sayin' anything cause you might brush it off where it'll crawl across my feet and I'll scream like the little prissy bitch that I am. And that will surely scare the other people.

And this is only day three. Ya gotta love working with the general public.

Back in the Saddle Again

I officially started the new job today. I have mixed feelings about it - on one hand, I miss being a stay-at-home mom and taking The Kid to school (okay, okay...and the naps.) But on the other hand, it's nice to have a reason to get out of my pajamas, wear makeup, and shower daily (c'mon people...the moms know what I'm talking about.)

And although I got lost no less than three times - and I think I broke a door - I had a great day. AND it's part time so you know what that means, right?

Still get to nap four days a week, baby.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Runners

Today I went to our local running shoe store because I was advised I would get THE perfect fit for a running shoe. (And no, smart asses out there, I'm not considering taking up running. It's for the new job. You should all know I only run when chased.)

The sweet salesboy (he was FAB, btw) was more than happy to help me. As he rounded the counter, I noticed he was wearing...interesting shoes. I kept trying to look at them without looking at them...you know? Finally he said, "Are you interested in my shoes?" All I could muster was, "Doesn't that chafe in odd areas?" He laughed and said no...and let me photograph his foot.

I'd hate to think that I was "out of touch" but...yeah. I'm resigned to the fact that I must be too old to get this. *sigh*

Vomit, Diarrhea and Boogers, Oh My!

In the car, driving to The Kid's drum lesson:

Kid: "Ewww...there's ear wax on my ear plug. Get it off!"

Me: (While driving, I take the aforementioned cooty-filled ear plug, lick my finger, clean off the wax, and hand it back to him.)

Kid: "Wow. You really are a mom."

Me: "Huh?"

Kid: "You really are a mom for doing that for me."

Dude....you have NO IDEA how many of your body fluids have landed on me in the last ten years.

Thinking That.....

Today is my physical for the new job. I know, right? Like I need some doctor lecturing me that I'm overweight, drink too much alcohol, and need to exercise.

Cause that's my mother's job.

Randomly Heard

"Moe, you're lucky you're a kitten because you don't have to go to school. School sucks balls."

*And no, he did NOT get that from me because I don't say "sucks balls." At least not in that context....