Okay, Pinocchio

A sure sign of a shady person? They lie real well. And I'm not talking, Um, DUH! Shady people are used to lying so they can totally keep their stories straight! I'm talking, "I really truly wished I could have been there this evening but my grandmother was taking my daughter to Target and this dude in a red Camaro smashed into their car! They were both transported to the hospital in c-collars, which my mother HATED, but they were thankfully released 3 1/2 hours later with only bruises and scrapes!"

Total bullshit.

I have a pretty good bullshit detector. My gaydar is waaay off but my bullshit detector? SPOT ON. I don't know if it's from all the jackasses I've dated or from all the bullshit I've dished out but I've learned: the more detailed the story, the more bullshit it is.

My mom owns a few apartments in a little town where no one moves on purpose - know what I mean? You don't move here...you END UP here (like me!) Anyhoo, she gets some real inneresting people trying to rent from her and, bless her heart, she tries so hard to find good tenants.

Last week, she had a lady interested in a vacant apartment. She was a welder (not judging) with a motorcycle (okay, totally judging.) She was supposed to bring her deposit and first month's rent on Saturday afternoon. The woman didn't show for her appointment but Mother texted me later with, "The girl worked late and completely forgot about our appointment!" I'm like, Hmmmm. Okay. Personally, if I was desperate for a place to live I wouldn't forget about meeting my new landlord but okay. Benefit of the doubt!

"She's going to meet me at 7pm. Yay!"

6:30pm: "The woman who wants the apt called about 15 mins ago and said she was on her way in. She just called again crying and said she just got a call that her daughter was on her way to Walmart when she had an accident. Some old lady rammed into her and she veered off into a corn field. The woman was heading back to go to the hospital. I feel so badly for her!"

Really? Hmmmmm....

Color me distrustful but I'd bet my life savings (which is like, five dollars) that this woman is shady. S.h.a.d.y. SHADY.

"Don't call her. If she calls back, make her wait two days before you meet with her again. Guarantee you she won't call back cause shady people don't like to wait."

Poor mother, who may actually believe OJ was innocent, didn't understand. So I explained that shady people like to be in control. They want what they want, when they want it. So she agreed to wait a few days.

Fast forward four days. Nada. Nothing. TOLD YOU SO!!!! Apartment is still vacant.

And thank GAWD because that chick would have moved in next door to me. Next door to the apartment I live in because I had to move here.

And I'm a bullshitter with a lot of time on my hands...so potential tenants BEWARE.