No More Valium For Me

I had my six-month dental check today. The hygienist informed me she would need to take x-rays (which is fine because I don't need five people to hold me down like The Kid does.) But today was different because the hygienist asked me to follow her down the hall. Hmmmm.

I entered a room with a panoramic x-ray machine (which goes around your head, unlike bite wings that go into your mouth) and we took panoramic pics of my teeth. Afterward, I asked her why we did the panoramic x-rays instead of the normal bite wings. She said, "Oh, we don't do bite wings anymore. We can see more of the teeth in the panoramic x-ray."

What? WHAT??? SHUT. THE. EFF. UP.

Now some of you may not be familiar with The Kid's aversion to bite wing x-rays. I usually need a valium after he goes for a check up.

I asked if they took children. She said, Absolutely! OH YEAH. The Kid has never thanked me for giving birth to him and having to endure painful constant contractions and a long-ass needle stuck into my back (which I was SO grateful for that I wanted to have the anesthesiologist's child. And she was a woman.) No, not even a "Good job, Mom!"

But this? The Kid is going to bow down and kiss my feet when I tell him he can switch dentists. He SO owes me. Like, for life.

I think I'll start by making him clean my room and paint my toenails.