Thinking That.....

A dog who frequents our local dog park looks EXACTLY like Will Ferrell. Everything from his curly hair to his beady eyes, he's just Will Ferrell in dog form. I don't even know the dog's name but every time I see him, I'm lookin' for a cowbell!!!

(That link is the best I could find of the SNL cowbell skit. It's blurry and pixely but still high-larious!)

I'll update once I get a pic.

Must. Be. Sneaky.

UPDATE: I GOT THE DOG'S PIC!!!**

His name is Louie. Louie's mom said that her husband thinks the dog's beady eyes make him look like Rod Blagojevich (former Illinois guvnah, now in prison - AS THEY ALL ARE.) My friend Marcy mentioned, "Really? I think he looks like Will Ferrell!" To which Louie's mom responded with glee, "Will Ferrell? Well, that's better than Blagojevich!"

** Must give HUGE props to Marcy who snapped the pup's photo for me - Louie showed up on the ONE DAY I didn't have a car. Some spy I am, right? She was also the first to see Will Ferrell in this dog. Without her, I would still be thinking, What the hell is wrong with that dog's face? And why does he look like Rod Blagojevich???

"I could use a little more cowbell, fellas!"

Thinking That.....

If you've been calling your kid the wrong name all day, it's time for a break.

True story.

Thinking That.....

You're offering unbelievably delicious samples of spring rolls in the frozen food aisle, and I've fallen in love with them. So why, pray tell, are you now telling me you sold out of them hours ago?

YO, DUMBASS. STOP THE DAMN DEMO IF YOU DON'T HAVE THE DAMN PRODUCT.

Dickhead.

He's lucky I didn't shove him into the freezer behind him. But he was like, 90 years old. And I need a battery charge like I need a hole in my head.

Then again, those spring rolls were frikkin' finger-licking good. Battery is only a misdemeanor....right?

Thinking That.....

Although my old life paid the bills, I was utterly miserable living it. And with poverty comes the decision (i.e., the need) to get rid of everything and start anew. I've been trying to start anew for the last two years but was thwarted by Mouth (the brat-formerly-known-as "The Kid".) However, this is the first time it's needed as the bank will take everything I own if I don't jump ship now.

SO....here we go. We're gonna wing it this spring. Mouth is on board as well as Mother. We have no other options. But I'm ready. Been there, done that, moved to two states by myself. Although I didn't have the proverbial baggage that I have now, it'll be good for Mouth and Mother's social security will keep us afloat for a bit.

So grab on and enjoy the ride cause it's gonna get bumpy, folks!

And I'm looking forward to it.

Thinking That......

My month-long free Encore subscription is allowing me to take a second look at "classics". And I do NOT understand the 90s fascination with Geena Davis. She's pale, has an overbite and really bad hair. How the hell did she get such good roles? She must have quite the sparkling personality (read: Easy. Or a witch.)

Maybe I'm being too harsh. This is prolly coming from my not being gainfully employed. And my three years with braces. My mom could have saved a TON of money if we'd known my underbite could have furthered my career.

Hell, maybe if I sold my flat iron and quit wearing my retainer I could be a SUPERSTAR!!!! *smelling hands from armpits*

Thinking That......

I need to invent a device much like a canine barking shock collar, but for kids. Every time the brat mouths off he gets a BZZT! Not only would I make millions but I could finally get off my Wellbutrin.

And kick my drinking habit.

Thinking That...

If your radiology job regularly entails administering IVs to patients, you shouldn't need to stick me three times only to say, "Oh well, two are blown. Hey Patty? Can you call Tammy??? It's okay, hon. I'm just calling the nurse. She's a pro."

THEN WHY WASN'T SHE IN HERE TEN MINUTES AND THREE STICKS AGO??????

Dickheads.

Thinking That......

Just realized today is Mother's birthday. Guess I should apologize for calling her an asshat this morning.

*sigh*

Thinking That....

the hand sanitizer I carry in my bag smells like a margarita.

And no, I didn't drink it.

Especially because I didn't have any salt on me.

Thinking That.....

I got to hold a sweet little baby during the fireworks last night. It almost makes me want another one!

(And by almost I mean KILL ME IF I EVER SAY THAT AGAIN.)

Thinking That.....

Mormon Jesus is a lot hotter than the Lutheran Jesus I grew up with.

Guess that's their reward for forsaking caffeine.

Thinking That.....

The kid is starting summer vacation next week. That is SO going to screw up my nap schedule DAMMIT.

Thinking That.....

You've been watching your television with the "03" in the corner of the screen for three weeks because you can't figure out how to get it off? Seriously?

YOU DON'T DESERVE TO HAVE A TELEVISION WITHOUT DIALS AND/OR KNOBS. In fact, get rid of that cell phone too because it drives me NUTS when your ASS CALLS ME and all I hear is you talking to Grandma.

Thinking That.....

I'm unemployed, owe an ungodly amount in student loans, and am single. So I've got that going for me...

Thinking that.....

I'm sure Paula Deen is a nice lady and all...but if I had to spend more than five minutes talking to her, I would shove hot skewers into my ears y'allllllllll.

Thinking that.....

Do I really truly NEED to find a job? Cause afternoon naps are A.W.E.S.O.M.E.