Reality Check

Mother and I just got into a heated argument because she locks her front door WITH THE DOOR KNOB LOCK THINGY. Dude. It's 2013. Why do they even still HAVE door lock thingies on door knobs???

One might ask, doesn't the poor thing have a deadbolt? Why YES, she does! But she still locks the door knob whenever she leaves. I, personally, have busted into her apartment no less than three times in the last two years for various reasons - thus proving her door knob lock is a JOKE. I mean, doesn't the woman watch 'The First 48'? There are crazy people out there. Like me!

And this is the same woman I entrust to get my son to and from school every day. Did I mention how two weeks ago her car broke down on the way to school and some strange dude pulled over and offered a ride to Mother and Mouth? And HOW SHE TOOK IT??? Good thing she had a cell phone on her to call any of the probably 20 relatives or neighbors we have here in our small town...right?

*end sarcasm*

Jesus. No wonder I drink so much.....

Ah, Mother's Day

So...Mother's Day. Many people posted sweet sentiments on their Facebook and Twitter accounts yesterday, writing things like "you kissed my boo boos...wiped my tears...wiped my butt...you're my best friend!"

Yeah.

Have I mentioned I live four doors down from my mother now? Not four houses but four - one, two, three, FOUR - doors away from my mother.

Don't get me wrong - I love my mom. With everything that's happened to me over the past two years, the only reason I'm not living in a cardboard box is because of the generosity of my mother. But still...

Did I mention I now live FOUR doors down from my mother???

Happy Mother's Day.

Happy Mother's Day!

I hate to rehash an old post but this pretty much sums up my motherhood experience.

Happy Mother's Day to all of you who have sacrificed so much for your spawn...as well as those who are pregnant for the first time (and probably shouldn't be reading this blog as it may compel you to seriously consider adopting out. Or becoming an alcoholic.)