Five More Weeks

I've been a pretty busy gal recently. I'm still working fulltime as a corporate cubicle ass kisser but have veered off in an inneresting new direction. In the last five weeks I've:

• Refreshed my CPR training (i.e., killed my knees on concrete blowing dummies)
• Gave an injection to the very brave guy who has sat next to me for the last five weeks
• Studied my ass off while running back and forth between work and class
• Learned that you CANNOT raise your blood sugar level by sticking a bottle of Honey Bear honey up your bum

For those of you who said "Rags is in nursing school"....SURPRISE!!!!! You're wrong. Turns out if you already have a bachelor's degree (me) and have enough student loans to purchase a small house (me) no one will loan you money for nursing school (me). So I went a different route - I'm in a 10-week crash-course EMT-Basic class.

Yep.

I'm at the halfway point this week. In five more weeks, I can go out there in the world and BE A HERO (or as my instructor says, "...being a hero means having a crackwhore spit in your mouth.")

I have no clue what I'm gonna do when I finish this course. I honestly can't see my ass hopping in and out of ambulances and hoisting heifers down six flights of stairs (though I think I might enjoy dodging the spittle of a crackwhore.) There are other opportunities for EMTs out there. I hope.

But the biggest downfall - and what keeps me up at night moaning, "What was I thinking???" - is the pay. The person who responds to your 911 call to help save your life makes on average $12 an hour. Let's just say I make a BUNCH more than that being a corporate cubicle ass kisser. But money can't buy happiness....

Psht. THE HELL IT CAN'T!!!! But although my soul loves its high-speed internet, it needs some much needed attention right now. And I think this is my right path for right now.

I'll be sure to revisit this post the first time someone thanks me for helping them by saying, "F*ck you!!!" and then puking on me.

Can't wait!