Boredom

I found this little piece I wrote a few years back. I was craving creativity so I Googled "writing assigments." I also make mention of my boss at the time, Scott. He is the biggest piece of shit I've ever encountered.

Internet Assignment Week One: Write your life story from today forward. Be specific. Describe a struggle. Overcome it. Have fun!

At the age of 32, Regan began her first novel How to Lose 10 Pounds in Three Years, a comedic glimpse into her life as a single mother. Astonishingly, a large publishing company snatched the book up soon after Regan completed it in 2007. It soared up the New York Times bestseller list, sitting at the #1 spot for six weeks. This allowed the author to quit her fulltime job brown nosing in corporate legal and concentrate on her writing - and on being a mom.

The following summer, Regan purchased an RV and packed up her son (and mother) and embarked on a three-month excursion across the United States. She wrote articles for several magazines, including a breathtaking piece on Olympia National Park in Washington state that was picked up by the Associated Press and published in hundreds of newspapers' Sunday travel editions.

That fall, when Regan's son went back to school, she began work on her second novel. Her unique encounters on her trip across America were the basis for this novel, titled Cubicle Dwellers Beware. It was during the promotion of this book that Regan met her husband, Australian comedy writer James "Liam" Van der Maar. They eloped in Las Vegas shortly after Regan's first novel won the Nobel Prize for literature and settled in Miami, Florida.

The union was a match made in comedic heaven - and one that produced two children (Liesel and Dash, who joined Regan's son Zane), four novels, six plays and the introduction of their widely popular joint newspaper column in the Miami Herald. Unfortunately, the marriage didn't survive the struggle for laughs, and Regan and Liam divorced. As many devoted readers began to mourn the loss of a favorite writing duo, they soon realized the fun had only just begun.

Although Liam was granted "custody" of the Herald column in the divorce settlement, Regan began penning a competing column, contradicting everything Liam wrote. The award-winning Dueling Divorcees quickly became a hit in Miami and was soon syndicated in newspapers nationwide.

A series in that column won the couple a National Press Club Award for Humor in 2015. Their increasingly heated exchange over Arnold Schwarzenegger's bid for the presidency, as well as Sylvester Stallone's gubernatorial bid in Florida, ignited newspapers around the country. Many analysts believe Regan's stance against testosterone-pumped-people-in-power helped thwart the former Mr. Universe from winning the ultimate title of President of the United States.

The happily unmarried couple resides in Miami (although on opposite ends) and enjoys their public arguing way too much. Regan spends her spare time lounging with her children by the pool, road tripping in her Winnebago and playing with her pit bull, Scottie.

UPDATE: At the ripe old age of 90, Liam fell while getting out of his Jacuzzi. He immediately called Regan, his partner in life, who rushed over to laugh at him. After dialing 911, Regan tripped over Liam's wet flailing body and collapsed. They both expired at 1:35 pm, apparently with broken necks.