How to Piss Me Off.....

Climb into my lap and cuddle and purr and be all sweet....then let out a silent tuna-flavored cat fart. I hate you. Just wait until tonight when you're snuggling under my down comforter. CAN YOU SAY DUTCH OVEN BEOTCH!!!!!

Thinking that.....

I have the coolest f*cking neighbors in the world. My neighbor Greg snowblows my driveway every time it snows bad. During the last snowstorm, his snowblower blew up...so the neighbor across the street cleared my drive. Unbelievable.

Plus, John and Heidi loan me stuff like flour and lemons...and John loans Heidi when I have something going wrong in my kitchen and need someone with sick-ass tools. She's da BOMB. I'd marry her if she wasn't already married.

And if we weren't chicks and stuff.....

Hope

I always have hope. When I became a single mother, I saw my dreams of getting married and having a good life fly out the window...but I had hope. Whether it be winning the lottery or standing on the corner, turning to my right and noticing someone...who turns out to be my soul mate...I always have hope.

I've recently encountered people who have no hope. They can't foresee any more happiness in their lives and think it better to end it. I don't get it. How can you NOT have hope? (Again...the lottery???) But I recently had a friend explain to me that although he and I know there is always, always a chance for something, some people just can't see it. Perhaps they have chemical imbalances in their brains, underlying mental illness...but hope is not a part of their world. How horrible is that?

Ten years ago, I had a new baby and was a single mother living at my mother's house in Pekin, Illinois. I had only two years of college completed, and I was EXHAUSTED. Can you say ROCK BOTTOM??? But I had hope. I didn't know how I was going to make it...but I knew I somehow would.

Fast forward...I finished college, got a high-paying job, bought a house and a car with remote start and heated seats (yeah baby!!!) I could never imagine this future ten years ago and am still not sure how I held it together long enough to get to that point. But I had hope.

Now, I've lost that high-paying job and am struggling to make the mortgage and car payments. I'm quickly spiraling down into credit card purgatory. There aren't many job prospects around this area so we will likely have to sell our house and move somewhere with more employment opportunities. Things are pretty dreary here...but I have hope. I am confident that ten years from now I will look back on this time and wonder how the hell I held it together long enough to get to where I am at that point!

Have hope. Even if (or when...) I'm living in my car with heated seats and remote start, I will have hope. You never know - one morning I could turn to my right and realize I am parked next to my soul mate...sleeping in his Land Rover, exhausted from the previous night he spent celebrating his big lottery win...

Fun Family Fact

I was always told my grandmother's middle name was Narcissus. In fact, my cousin Nari was named after her. After all these years, I found out today that Grandma's middle name is actually Narcisa. Guess who else didn't know?????

Poor old lady.

*sigh*

How to Piss Me Off.....

Use your turn at the drive-thru ATM to fill out your 14 deposit envelopes and balance your checkbook.

Thinking that.....

It's -6 degrees out. I now fully understand the saying, "Colder than a witch's tit."

Thinking that.....

Professional wrestlers are extremely shiny. I wonder if they hire someone to oil them up? Hmmm.....


*