Hope

I always have hope. When I became a single mother, I saw my dreams of getting married and having a good life fly out the window...but I had hope. Whether it be winning the lottery or standing on the corner, turning to my right and noticing someone...who turns out to be my soul mate...I always have hope.

I've recently encountered people who have no hope. They can't foresee any more happiness in their lives and think it better to end it. I don't get it. How can you NOT have hope? (Again...the lottery???) But I recently had a friend explain to me that although he and I know there is always, always a chance for something, some people just can't see it. Perhaps they have chemical imbalances in their brains, underlying mental illness...but hope is not a part of their world. How horrible is that?

Ten years ago, I had a new baby and was a single mother living at my mother's house in Pekin, Illinois. I had only two years of college completed, and I was EXHAUSTED. Can you say ROCK BOTTOM??? But I had hope. I didn't know how I was going to make it...but I knew I somehow would.

Fast forward...I finished college, got a high-paying job, bought a house and a car with remote start and heated seats (yeah baby!!!) I could never imagine this future ten years ago and am still not sure how I held it together long enough to get to that point. But I had hope.

Now, I've lost that high-paying job and am struggling to make the mortgage and car payments. I'm quickly spiraling down into credit card purgatory. There aren't many job prospects around this area so we will likely have to sell our house and move somewhere with more employment opportunities. Things are pretty dreary here...but I have hope. I am confident that ten years from now I will look back on this time and wonder how the hell I held it together long enough to get to where I am at that point!

Have hope. Even if (or when...) I'm living in my car with heated seats and remote start, I will have hope. You never know - one morning I could turn to my right and realize I am parked next to my soul mate...sleeping in his Land Rover, exhausted from the previous night he spent celebrating his big lottery win...