Cart Stalking...er, Watching

I've always been a people watcher. I love sitting in a crowded area and watching what walks by me. I imagine their life stories...like, why does that woman look so sad? Did her boyfriend just dump her? Did her dog die? And does that kid think having his pants rest just below his butt cheeks is sexy? Cause I LOVE seeing a 15-year-old wanna-be gangster's boxer shorts. And what the hell is SHE doing with that guy??? I hope he's her father and NOT her boyfriend. He must be rich. And generous, by the size of her boobs.

But you wanna know what's even better than merely watching people walk past? Watching what people buy at the grocery store. Oh yeah. I call it "cart watching". I love to look into others' grocery carts and invent their life stories. Admit it, we've all done it at some point - what about that little old lady with the teased-to-heaven dyed-red hair, barely strong enough to push her cart that holds two cases of Milwaukee's Best? Come on - we ALL have one of her in our local grocery!

Then there's the guy with 20 boxes of frozen dinners and generic toilet paper. Economy size, of course. Yep...he's single. I once saw a huge guy, muscle shirt and all, buying a box of Kashi cereal, a carton of orange juice and a Summer's Eve douche. Seriously. SERIOUSLY? What the hell is he going to do with a douche? Granted, maybe it's for his wife but who the hell still uses Summer's Eve douches??? Apparently wifey is still living in 1987 before the advent of REGULAR SHOWERS.

Today I saw an older gentlemen buying six jugs of bleach and a box of frozen waffles. Obviously a serial killer. But whenever I see a guy walking out with a pile of steaks, a bag of charcoal and a case of Corona, I leave my cart right where it is and tail him. Seriously. Cause that's my kind of party.

Hmm, I wonder what people think of MY cart? Let's see...today I bought an artichoke, a bottle of wine, large black garbage bags and Saran Wrap. That could be a good time, right?

I know, I know. Totally signs of a vegetarian lush who buries bodies in her yard. Probably not too far from the truth, either...