Send Me An Angel. One With A Vaccuum.

I woke this morning at 3:30am because feathers were flying into my nose with every breath I took. So in my sleepy daze I blew them out and tried to fall back asleep. But then I realized I had to pee so I got up, went into the bathroom, turned on the light...

and saw an angel.

I was slowly coming out of my slumber haze when I realized I was looking in the mirror. The angel was me. I was covered from the top of my head to the bottom of my shorts in white fuzzy feathers. I couldn't figure out if I was dreaming or awake until I realized I REALLY had to pee - so I must be awake? As I sat, I started thinking, trying to figure out what in the world was going on. When I finished, I walked into my room, turned on the light...and right at that moment I knew exactly what happened.

The f*cking dog chewed a hole in my down comforter.

My ceiling fan was on high, blowing the feathers throughout the air. My floor fan was oscillating across the width of my bed, spreading the feathers across the floor. My poor old kitty Toph was lying next to my pillow, covered in fuzz, with a look on her face that said, "This is your fault. You're the dumbass who wanted a dog." And on the bed, right smack in the middle of a pile of feathers, was Ted. Asleep like a baby Jesus in a feather-lined manger.

Sonofabitch.

I wish I had photos of the fiasco but alas I do not. I still wasn't fully awake and the commotion had awoken Mouth, who had to wake for school in three hours. I was too busy trying to get him back to bed, get the feathers out of my hair, and get the sheet and blanket balled into a pile to trap the feathers, to grab my phone and start shooting.

Everything is still in a balled-up mess in my hallway. I can't deal with it. My room is covered in feathers, and my dog is trottin' around like nothing happened. He's sooooo lucky he's stinking adorable. Little shithead.

Anyone want to come over and clean? I have no money but I make a mean margarita!