Sticks and Stones

Ever met someone who was goth with the name Kylie? You're like, "WTF? Kylie is a blonde cheerleader who's bubbly and ditzy. You're more like...a Morticia."

When I hear the name Darrell, I immediately think redneck. I don't think I've ever met a hot Darrell. Ooh! Another redneck? Randy. (Then again, Randy usually looks smokin' hot in his Levi's but not really someone I want to take home to my white-collar parents.)

What happens if your name is Floyd and you turn out hot? Do you stick it out? Go by your middle name? (Which hopefully isn't something like Garth.) Change it completely? My mom's best friend was born Darlene. She was cute and blonde and hated her name all her life. She finally legally changed it to Lauren. She DOES look more like a Lauren...but I still slip and call her Dar sometimes.

What makes us associate names with faces? Is it our life experiences with people? (I dated a Jimmy from Kentucky when I was in college. Now, all Jimmys are rednecks to me.) Is it universal? (Again, anyone ever seen a hot Darrell???)

Hmmm...someone should TOTALLY investigate this phenomenon. Like for a master's thesis.

Rex: Total porn star.
Willie: Just give the kid a complex now, ok?
Darryl: Redneck who thought he got hot so tried to alter his redneck name without legally changing it.
Gary: Any hot Garys out there? Yeah, didn't think so.
Peter: No explanation necessary.
Bo: You want your son to be called gay whether he is or not? Name him Bo.
Any boy name with a Y in it (Austyn, Bradyn, Claytyn): See Bo.

Twenty bucks says Leonardo DiCaprio was born Leonard Calhoun. He got hot so he HAD to change his name.

Flippin' sexes on ya. The girl name I'm seeing a lot in the ER is Nevaeh. Yes, yes, it's heaven backward but still.

Katie: Total bitch. (But my view may be a bit skewed as my former co-worker whom I also refer to as 'Queen Bitch of the God Damn Universe' is named Katie.)
Sophia and Madison: Unless you want your daughter to be forever known as 'Sophia S.' or 'Madison P.' STOP NAMING YOUR GIRLS SOPHIA AND MADISON.
Kiley: Again, totally bubbly. Usually blonde. Want to hate her but is actually sweet. Bitch.
Misty/Destiny: White trash.
McKenzie/Mackenzie/McKayla/Mackayla: I'm Mcdone with it.

I'm sure I've offended every single person reading this as you have prolly named at least one of your children an above-mentioned moniker. I'm sorry. And sometimes names JUST FIT. Whether it's the kid or the last name, it just works. So please count yourself in that exception. :)

Hell, who am I to talk? I didn't even give my kid a middle name. And he hates his first name so I have that going for me, too.

What names bug YOU?