There's A Reason

As I think back on my life, I divide it into two parts: Before Zane (BZ) and After Zane (AZ).

BZ, I was pretty selfish. Okay, I was REALLY selfish. Who wouldn't be? I had only myself to look after - so as long as I had a case of Ramen noodles and a short skirt for the bar scene, I was set!

BUT...a child changes everything. I was given every chance in life but could never make the right choices until I had The Kid. Suddenly it wasn't about me anymore. I remember the second night home with him - it was two in the morning, I was DEAD TIRED, and I looked into his wide eyes...and I apologized. I apologized for being a single mom and for not being able to give him a house with four bedrooms, three baths and a swimming pool. I realized then that my decisions directly affected this tiny little baby in my arms. And I swore to make the best choices for him.

There were a few people in my BZ life whom I ended up falling out of touch with. I looked back and realized I couldn't handle "real" relationships with people in my past because I was my own priority, and I probably deserved their animosity. I felt that I needed to make amends - as an adult and as a mother.

But, one by one, I realized there were reasons for these people to be out of my life. I may have handled it wrong BZ but the core reasons they were out of my life remained. They were still liars and cheaters and douchebags...oh my.

Where the hell is this going? I have no clue - other than to reassure myself that I need to trust my instincts and move on if necessary...as well as hang on to the good ones who have been with me through thick and thin.

Especially those who know I'm a hot mess.

And gift me a bottle of whiskey at Christmastime.