Valentine's Day, Schmalentine's Day

I think Valentine's Day was invented by some poor husband who forgot his wedding anniversary. He woke the next morning and found his wife standing over him with a meat cleaver. He jumped out of bed and quickly said, "But honey! I didn't forget our anniversary! I was waiting until today to surprise you because today is...Valentine's Day! Yeah! Valentine's Day. You can't even begin to imagine all the gifts and activities I have planned for us! Starting after I get back from running a few errands..."

Smart man. I think his last name was Hallmark.

My first Valentine's Day present was from my high school boyfriend. He gave me a little perfume bottle (it was black and white, like an exclamation point. Maybe it was called Exclamation? I prolly just dated myself.) I felt so loved! He thought of me and gave me a GIFT!!! I LOVED VALENTINE'S DAY!!!!

Little did I know that would be my ONLY Valentine's Day gift. Ever. For some reason, I never had a boyfriend around V-Day. Birthday, yes; Christmas, yes....the most romantical day of the year? Nope.

The closest I came was a guy I had been seeing for a few months. We fell pretty hard for each other - he had already told me he loved me (and yes, HE told me first!) As Valentine's Day neared, I thought, "Maybe this is the year - the year I finally get a gift!" We had been having little spats for a few weeks but we were still technically together. The Big Red day finally arrived. We had an argument the night before and I wanted nothing more than to bitchslap him but I WANTED TO FINALLY EXPERIENCE VALENTINE'S DAY WITH A DATE. He arrived at my house, I sat in his car and he handed me a card. "Here you go. Happy Valentine's Day!" I never opened it. On the front of the card he had written my name: Reagan. Really? REALLY?? REAGAN????

YOU SUPPOSEDLY LOVE ME SO MUCH AND YOU CAN'T EVEN SPELL MY NAME RIGHT?????? I cracked. I bolted from the car, ran inside and threw the card away. (Quick side note, this was pre-child so I was young and slightly immature. I would never do something like that today. I would have been pleasant and let him buy me dinner before never answering his phone calls again.)

It's okay though. I get cute little Valentine's Day cards from The Kid and an occasional little bear or something else that melts my heart. For a little shit, he can be so sweet!

If you have someone special in your life, don't wait until February to show them how much you love and appreciate them. Cherish the love they give you and forgive them for the little things they do that drive you insane. Like spelling your name wrong.

And don't forget, men - there's something called "Sweetest Day" in October. I'd really like to meet the bastard who invented that one because SHOCKER!!!! I'm always single then too!