Who Needs a CAKE Anyway?

Next weekend is Mouth's 14th birthday. We're trying to come up with a cake. Grocery store cakes creep me out. I mean, look at this cake:

There are so many things wrong with this cake. The serial killer handwriting, the off-center placement, the PIPING ALONG THE EDGE!!! I...I just...I can't even look at it.

I made a Battlefield 3 cake a few years back that wasn't too bad, actually! But I about slit my wrists with the icing knife trying to get that damn cake done.

Not professional but not bad for someone on her fourth glass of Chardonnay at 2:00 in the morning. Mouth loved it because I made it for him. Awww!

Yeah, I'm not doing it again. So far, we have deduced that Mouth:

• doesn't like sports
• loves gaming but doesn't have a fave game
• loves music but not a particular band
• plays games on a computer (Xbox and Play Stations are SOOOO 2012 MOM)
• doesn't have a fave color but is open to blue
• doesn't care what the cake looks like but wants it to be "cool"

Awesome. So helpful. Someone suggested putting a big ol' pic of ME on it and be like, "Well, you said you didn't care what your cake looked like..."

Very tempting.

What are some of the best cakes you've ever seen? Some of the worst? And post pictures so we can all enjoy!

Throwback Thursday

Today's TBT dates back to around 1979. My bestie Court was the sassiest girl I knew - and I wanted to be just like her. She moved out of state by high school but by the power of Facebook, we found each other and picked up like not a day had passed. She's still quite sassy - but also a great mom and one hell of a lady. I still want to be just like her.

Love ya, hooker!!!!

(Bee tee dubs, I wasn't always a blond...)

Anyone there??? *chirp chirp*

I'll admit...it's been a little quiet here at Riches to Rags but we've had some big changes. I moved on from my suck-ass-shitty-ass-well-paying-shitty-ass-long-commute-shitty-boss-shit-shit-shitty-cubicle job to a sweet little job with health insurance and vacation days and a good team of people. I'm also close to home so I can leave for lunch and go play with Ted! I took a (huge) pay cut for this sweet little job but they plan to grow it. "Growth = raises" is my new mantra. *OHMMMM*

If nothing else, I'm saving around $70 a week in gas. Yeah...I own a tank so that's good. Plus, it's at a car dealership and Mama NEEDS A NEW CAR!!!

Unfortunately, it's not a BMW dealership. Mama has champagne taste on that beer budget.

*OHMMM*

Bee tee dubs, I'm not ballsy enough to sell cars. I'm part receptionist/part social media expert/part superwoman. I've finished my first week at work and below are my observations:

1. I love working in an environment filled with mostly men. No bitchy female PMS drama.

2. I've twice asked my co-workers if I was being "Punk'd". Gotta get used to working with the general public again.

3. Car salesman are like little girls when they don't get their way. But it's cool because all is good by the end of the day. No hair pulling, no name calling (well...maybe a few "dickheads" are thrown around but that's typical of ANY workplace) and all is forgiven by the end of the day.

4. The customer comes first so we all work together to get that sale - even if I don't personally get a commission (ohmmmm....)

5. Week 2 will include me INSISTING they pull the offending "Women Shoppers" link off their website. It includes recipes for bath salts and child rearing tips. (Okay...maybe I'll wait until week 3 to share how offended I was when I saw that page.)

6. I'm not innerested in car salesmen but Mama is looking out for a Sugar Daddy shoppin' for a Caddy!!! (Okay, that sorta negates my pro-women stance in number 4 but still...keeping my options open.)

Strap in, folks. I have a feeling this is gonna be a fun ride!!!!

Throwback Thursday

This is a rather messy Throwback Thursday. My scanner has PMS so I had to take a picture of a Polaroid. With my phone. Transmitted via email to my computer.

Jesus. How did any of us finish college without the use of the internet???

Age 1. My first impression. Bill Murray as Carl Spackler in "Caddyshack". One of my top 10 films. I once read that Carl only had like five lines of dialogue until Bill got on set and started improvising...and magic was made.

"I smell poontang. And the only good varmint poontang is dead varmint poontang, I think."

Why I Exercise

I exercise because it's good for my health.

I exercise because it's helping me lose the weight I gained while unemployed the last few years.

I exercise so I can have a cookie and not feel guilty.

I exercise because I like shopping for cute clothes. (Floral muumuus and black are the two clothing choices in the fat girls department. People think I'm in constant mourning.)

I exercise because it makes my son proud of me.

I exercise because the endorphins released during my workout calm the murderous thoughts that swim around in my head all day whilst at work.

I exercise because my dog likes to roll around on the floor with me while I'm stretching (I'm finally at his little two-inch-leg level!)

I exercise because I feel LIKE A BOSS afterward.

Who am I kidding?

I exercise so I can DRINK LIKE A FISH.

There. I said it. I know I'm not the only one because there's NO WAY you marathoners run in circles for hours JUST FOR FUN.

I'm a Size 20/20

My latest visit with Dr. D:

"Wow. You haven't been back here in....4 years? I am shocked. Your muscles are fantastic! If I didn't know your age, I would think I'm examining a 20-year-old!"

Well, I DO still get carded for alcohol at liquor stores that aren't on my Christmas card list.

I just want to soak up Dr. D's statement for a few minutes before sharing that....

Dr. D is my optometrist.

Ah well. At least SOMETHING on my body is like that of a 20 year old!

Throwback Thursday

In honor of my birthday boy who turned 2 years old yesterday, today's Throwback Thursday features Ted as a baby. I love him so much - I didn't realize how empty my life was with out him!

Happy birthday, Ted!!!