Look Out Rachael Ray! (Paula Dean, Your Job Is TOTALLY Safe)

I spend a lot of time online looking for dinner ideas. Mouth is slightly picky but will generally try anything once. His biggest issue is with texture ("why is there something crunchy in here?") but if it tastes yummy enough, he'll pick around the offending crunch.

Through my searching, I've found a handful of sites with consistently good recipes, such as Can You Stay For Dinner?; Pioneer Woman; What Megan's Making; and Smitten Kitchen. I regularly check them as well as a few "real" food sites, such as Fine Cooking; Real Simple's Recipe page; and Food Network. (Although I'm not a huge fan of Food Network - maybe because there are too many chefs to choose from...or maybe because most of the recipes suck? I don't know.)

Pinterest is my latest little gold mine for recipes. I've found several gems there, including recipes from some of my regular sites that I happened to miss while cruising through their pages the first time around.

Whenever I find a yummy-looking recipe that actually turns into finger-licking fantastic food, I want to shout from the rooftop, "Holy crap! That frikkin' lasagna was A-MAZ-ING!!! Thankyouverymuch, goodnight!" But since my neighbors are already pissed at me for the all-night kennel-training crying fests going on over here at Chez Rags, I think I'll save my delicious discoveries for my little blog. Call it a break from the snark, yes?

Note to self: Buy earplugs for neighbors as early Christmas gifts.

I'm far from a Master Chef but last night's dinner was pretty fab. It was Smoky Corn Chowder from Real Simple.


8 ounces sliced bacon, cut in 1/2 inch pieces
1 large sweet onion, chopped
2 garlic cloves, finely chopped
1/2 tsp smoked paprika
1/4 tsp crushed red pepper
2 10-ounce pkgs frozen corn
3 cups low-sodium chicken or vegetable broth
1 cup half-n-half
salt and pepper
4 scallions, thinly sliced on the diagonal
1 baguette, sliced and toasted (optional)


1. Cook the bacon in a large saucepan or Dutch oven over medium heat until crisp, 5 to 6 minutes. Transfer to a paper towel-lined plate.
2. Spoon and discard all but 2 tablespoons of the drippings. Return the pan to medium heat. Add the onion and cook, stirring occasionally, until soft, 5-7 minutes.
3. Add the garlic, paprika, and red pepper and cook, stirring, for 2 minutes.
4. Stir in the corn, broth, and half-n-half and bring to a boil. Reduce heat and simmer for 15 minutes.
5. Transfer half the soup to a blender and puree until smooth. Return to the pot and stir in 1/2 teaspoon each salt and pepper.
6. Divide the soup among bowls and top with the scallions and bacon. Serve with bread, if desired.

I also made toasted cheese sandwiches since soup seemed a bit light for my dinner tastes.

A few notes:

- I'd heard of 'smoked' paprika before and also heard it was definitely worth buying if a recipe called for it. I can't agree more. It was only like $4.00 and made a huge difference in taste.
- I used crushed red pepper flakes. Oh well.
- I couldn't find any 10 ounce bags of corn. All frozen corn in my store apparently comes in 12 ounce bags. Tasted the same.
- I used regular store-bought chicken broth. Low sodium? Psht. Did I mention I wasn't Master Chef yet? I can't season worth a lick so I need all the help I can get.
- Half-n-half? I totally used heavy cream. Cause I'm ghetto like that.
- No 'thinly sliced on the diagonal' scallions for me. Tasted just as good chopped.
- No baguette either. See above ghetto comment.
- Dutch oven = big pot.
- Next time I'd blend most of the soup instead of just half of it. It was a smidgen too chunky.
- This was supposed to be a break from snark, yes? Sorry....

With all that said, the chowder was AWESOME. Mouth complained about the texture in the beginning (natch) but finished with the bowl to his lips, sucking down the last of the soup.

I give it 4 out of 5 stars.

Puppy Lesson Number 1

When putting the puppy in a kennel, be sure to pull the blanket completely over the cage. If not, as soon as the puppy and the owner are calm and dozing off to sleep, the cat will saunter over to the exposed kennel door and break out in fluent Dog with, "Nanny nanny boo boo, you retched little fur ball. You think you're all cute and special? KISS MY FREE-ROAMING FELINE ASS."

At which point all hell will break loose.

I Was Always A Cat Person.....Until Teddy

And...................this is why we are probably the proud new owners of a 12-week-old weiner dog. The cats are gonna be PISSED.

More to come tomorrow.

Happy Birthday Stinkpot!

Twelve years ago today, I gave birth to a precious baby boy whom I swore was going to be the next David Beckham. Instead, my baby boy has blossomed into an interesting mix of Van Gogh and The Rolling Stones. And I couldn't be more proud of him.

Happy birthday, Mouth!!!!

(Due to procrastination, I didn't have time to order a cool cake. So I baked one myself. Needless to say, the Cake Boss guy's job is totally safe.)

Car Wash of Death

Apparently when I was young, I was petrified of the car wash. My mom would drive 15 minutes out of the way to drop me off at my dad's house, drive through the car wash, then drive 15 minutes to pick me up and go home. She occasionally teased me through the years about my fear of the automatic car wash, which I endured because my mother is a mean old troll. I would then tease her about driving a half hour out of her way just to get her car washed, which she endured because I'm an ungrateful bitch.

Yesterday was an unseasonably warm day here so I decided to run my jalopy through the car wash. Obviously I've been through numerous car washes in my adult life with no problems so I puttered on up the street a few blocks to the nearest car wash.

It was a cool little place. It had a doggie wash room on one side, a few self-wash stalls in the middle, and a big glass automatic car wash on the end. As I pulled up to the payment kiosk, I noticed the floor-to-ceiling spinning brushes like car washes from the 80s. Didn't they pretty much eliminate those because they scratched cars or something? Everything's "touchfree" now, right? Then I realized you had the option of "Touchfree" or "Softtouch". Cool! It's like an old-time car wash! So I selected "Softtouch" and pulled forward, ready to relive a part of my youth. FUN!!!

Holy. Shitballs.

NO WONDER MY MOTHER WENT 30 MINUTES OUT OF HER WAY WHEN SHE WASHED HER CAR.

I pulled in and the brushes started spinning. Suddenly, my car started shaking. Dude. I don't drive a Prius. I own a Jeep Commander. It's a pretty solid car that doesn't get too easily rattled. But this thing was SHAKING. Then I saw them. The monstrous, dark, flopping FINGERS OF DEATH hitting my car from behind. I started recording with my phone because there was no way Mother would believe this car wash tried to kill me.

* Side note, I didn't realize I made any noises during this experience until I played back the video. In fact, I don't think it was me because it sounds nothing like my voice. It's a weird strangled type noise that I'm pretty sure was just feedback or something. Including at the end, when it said, "Say go! Say go! Say go!"

Ding Dong Installs A Doorbell

Mom: "I installed your new doorbell today but I only hooked up the ding, not the dong."

Me: "Har har."

Mom: "What? I'm serious. There were three wires but I could only find where to hook up two of them. So your doorbell goes ding but not dong. I guess that other wire was the dong. Can you live with just the ding?"

Me: "Was I adopted?"

Good News, Bad News...Part 2

Good news? My bank is so awesome - they detected suspicious activity on my check card and called me on a Sunday afternoon to verify the nearly $120 in iTunes purchases charged to me that day. Debbie, from the bank's fraud department, was very kind in helping me uncover who used my check card to make all those app purchases.

Bad news? Mouth is grounded until he's married.