Friday, April 9, 2010
Foto Friday
My friend Elizabeth is country...and I mean COUNTRY. She lives out in the corn and has horses and stuff. There aren't even street signs where she lives. Just...corn.
Liz married last year, and I bet my friend Lu that Liz was wearing cowboy boots under her beautiful dress (and not the white, lace-up fancy wedding cowboy boots but real kick-ass boots.) After the wedding, I said, "Okay Liz, show us what's on your feet. I got a bet going that it's boots." She laughed and said, "Oh, it's better than that." She lifted her skirt, and I almost peed my pants. Girlfriend was decked out in boots...AND JEANS!
YEEHAW!!!!!
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Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Little Fartknocker
Me: "Ten years ago this morning, my water broke and I knew I was going to have a baby...even though you weren't due until the following Tuesday."
The Kid: "Maybe God ordered one-day shipping?"
Apparently so. Happy birthday, kiddo!
Love, Mommy
The Kid: "Maybe God ordered one-day shipping?"
Apparently so. Happy birthday, kiddo!
Love, Mommy
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Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Texting
Sarah: "FWD: 2 inmates escaped from Peoria County jail this morning. All women b cautious 1 is a serial rapist! Please fwd to all women."
Me: "Are they cute? Cause we're both single and ready to mingle."
Sarah: "lmao, idk, maybe we could double with them."
Me: "Sweet but I get the serial rapist."
Sarah: "hahahahaha"
I miss my Sarah. She's the only one who would actually double with two escaped convicts just so I could get a date. Love you chicka.
Me: "Are they cute? Cause we're both single and ready to mingle."
Sarah: "lmao, idk, maybe we could double with them."
Me: "Sweet but I get the serial rapist."
Sarah: "hahahahaha"
I miss my Sarah. She's the only one who would actually double with two escaped convicts just so I could get a date. Love you chicka.
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Monday, April 5, 2010
Thinking That.....
I'm unemployed, owe an ungodly amount in student loans, and am single. So I've got that going for me...
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Saturday, April 3, 2010
One, Two, Freddy's Coming For You...
The Kid: "But I REALLY want to see 'A Nightmare on Elm Street'! Why can't I?"
Me: "Because it scared the bejesus out of me and I was like, 15 years old."
The Kid: "But I'll be fine. I watch scary movies all the time!!!"
Me: (Thinking cussing will express how damn serious I am) "Dude, if you watch that movie, you will SHIT. YOUR. PANTS."
The Kid: "Well...I will at least SHIT. MY. PANTS. gracefully!"
Me: "Because it scared the bejesus out of me and I was like, 15 years old."
The Kid: "But I'll be fine. I watch scary movies all the time!!!"
Me: (Thinking cussing will express how damn serious I am) "Dude, if you watch that movie, you will SHIT. YOUR. PANTS."
The Kid: "Well...I will at least SHIT. MY. PANTS. gracefully!"
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Now THAT'S Entertainment
Setting: Easter at Mother's house
Appetizer: Townhouse crackers and spray Cheez Whiz
Nice. I suppose the entree is the deer strapped to the hood of the truck out front?Lordy, I hope I don't ever marry into a "normal" family. I'll totally claim to be an orphan.
Appetizer: Townhouse crackers and spray Cheez Whiz
Nice. I suppose the entree is the deer strapped to the hood of the truck out front?Lordy, I hope I don't ever marry into a "normal" family. I'll totally claim to be an orphan.
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