My Weekly Couch Session

So my mom found out I sometimes let Z cuss at home. “That’s just wrong, Regan! You shouldn’t do that. Zane, don’t cuss anymore.” No, what’s wrong is the iron hand she trapped me under until I was like, 30 years old. I said, “Who cares? It’s only at home. He knows not to say them in public. It’s no big deal.”

She then pursed her indignant lips and hissed, “It’s a big deal in God’s eyes!!!!” HA! That’s pretty rich coming from a woman who HAS BEEN MARRIED AND DIVORCED FOUR, I REPEAT FOUR, TIMES!!! I mean, she hasn’t even been to church since the Reagan administration!

I said, “Ma, they don’t say piss or asshole in the Bible. He doesn’t take God’s name in vain.” “So??? That’s just wrong! It’s just wrong.” (Condemning look included in that statement, natch.)

Oh, by the way, DID I MENTION SHE’S BEEN MARRIED AND DIVORCED FOUR, I REPEAT FOUR, TIMES??? Don’t they mention something about staying married in the Bible??? What about stealing? She’s stolen money from me before! (Well, borrowed but never paid back…) And what about murder? We still don’t know what ever happened to husband number 3! (Or was it husband number 4?) Anyhoo, it just pisses me off (yes, it PISSES me off!) that she is still trying to clamp her iron hand down on me. My childhood wasn't that great and my teenage years were even worse – mostly because of her! My kid likes me (most of the time) and seems to enjoy his life. Just cause he says, “Ma, I gotta piss” just to make me laugh once in a while doesn’t make me a bad mom!

Needless to say, dinner didn’t go too well this evening. Although the best part was just after Mother left. Z turned to me and said, “What an asshole.”

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